I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
