The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also, beer. Big fan.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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