I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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