you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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