I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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