sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Quick, to the slutcave!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
