K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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