weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You have to summon your inner elephant
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
