even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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