you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
