I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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