You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
