I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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