So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
