I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
