So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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