the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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