my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
