...so i touched it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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