Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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