she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
