Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
