I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
