That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
