I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
