I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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