normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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