He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
