My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
