My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
