I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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