He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
