is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
