"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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