Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
