but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
