Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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