Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
someone threw a dead crab at me
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Randomize
