I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
