you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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