brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You were trust falling into bushes
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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