I cockslap morals
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
