Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
