I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
