Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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