This is not my ceiling
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
