hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
