Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
