You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
