I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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