Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
