O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
