he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize