first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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