My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
