I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
