This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
